Kat's Cold Beer

Tom Kat wanted to come round last night but I persuaded him that there was no real hurray, so he picked me up this morning. Joe's lock-up was a fair distance from Joseph's flat I assumed he like to drive to work. The lock-up itself was huge at least a hundred foot square, it was sitting right in the middle of disused farm land, miles from anywhere. As far as I could tell it had no electricity supply, inside was a labyrinth of old and new equipment and from the looks of it mostly junk. I noticed some paperwork against several boxes it had gone brown with age but from what I could make it out it had been shipped from New York city dated 1899, there was a name which I could barely make out but it looked like Tesla.

As I was looking at this paperwork I heard Tom shout from further in and I moved off to find him. He had found the only open space everywhere else was hemmed in with equipment. In the open space were three identical fridges, a work bench and more importantly a mountain of blueprints and designs. The fridges were the same type and model of my smashed fridge and as far as I could tell they were not plugged in but they were definitely on and working. They even had some beer in, so Tom and I had a beer each and toasted his brother's work.

I found under the designs on the work bench a blue leather bound notebook in the inside cover it said “Imagine the impossible” I thumbed through and only occasionally it made any real sense to me, it was mostly equations and I knew the man for job of deciphering it all. I called up Maad and explained what we had found.

It was couple of hours before Maad turned up with half of the faculty with him it appeared he had gained a fair amount leverage since he was put on gardening leave I am sure the TV appearance helped greatly. Edward promised me that I would be the first person to know as soon as they have discovered what Joseph had built.

Tom drove me back and I assured him that I would contact him as soon as I knew anything more. As I was getting out of the car I saw Inspector Galesh get out of a long black car and walk over to us. He explained that Billy and Red the hired assassins of Joseph Kat had been apprehended, they and the Corcas three would be locked away for life for some reason he did not mention when the trial would be and I am pretty sure there will not be one.

I spent most of the afternoon relaxing when I received a call from a very excited Maad professor, Joseph's work apparently is a huge breakthrough in energy research. Edward was talking about free energy and how this would help solve the nuclear power crisis but he said that it just the tip of iceberg Joseph had designed so many more devices those functions they were still working out.

Louise and I went out for lunch to celebrate and there ends another case.

It's Dark and Smells of Mushrooms Part 2

Wallace has asked to write the second part simply because I can cover the technical aspects of the story better not that is it terribly complicated but then Wallace hates anything technical. Before the Corcas dweebs turned up I was looking a the auxiliary console which as it turned out was almost useless except for the fact that the keyboard and terminal appeared to working fine. The was prompt was: DOS> I had worked this much out when they appeared round the corner, what I said to Wallace was probably more through ego that anything else. Wallace really didn't need me telling him it was hopeless.

The middle of three men spoke first, “Well, well we finally meet the infamous detective. I see you've met Mr Brown my pet a present from Johnny here and you had better tell your woman that she is wasting her time that console is completely locked out from the control room up top.” Wallace replied, “Tell her yourself or are you afraid of women and you don't have much of a imagination I mean calling this beast Mr Brown.” While they were chatting I had noticed that Johnny Howard was actually quite cute too young for me of course, a complete shame that he got mixed up with Dwight who obviously was just another male chauvinist pig. “I'm sure she heard me, as for imagination okay I'm not too good with coming up with names but then I'm excellent at everything else!” Dwight retorted loudly as if he needed to shout.

All the time they were talking I was typing, the command prompt was someone's poor attempt at humour. The system was Unix based although I didn't recognised the base code it was probably a custom job since I'm sure there aren't many suppliers of: Breath of God Satellite Control Operating Systems out there. Not a great acronym really: BOG S COS. Still Unix is far easier to hack than many GUI (Graphical User Interface or PAC (Point and Click)) based systems, sorry I'm getting bogged down in the technical aren't I? I told Wallace I wouldn't be any good at telling the story. Basically I had found Max's program that he embedded into the system before Dwight killed him at least Max appeared to have shown some remorse before the end. However I couldn't get the damn thing to run. Behind me Wallace was saying, “Ah! Yes, like coming up with interesting ways to destroy the world?” “We are not destroying it you stupid man, we are saving it! Do you really think we would let the asteroid actually get closer enough to cause an issue, we have worked everything out to nine decimal places. We are completely safe.” “So burning the air we breath is safe is it?” “Don't be silly the atmosphere won't actually ignite the chances of that happening are millions to one. Is that woman of yours completely deaf?” I knew that he was trying to distract me, I was so aching to wipe the smile off his face with a well aimed fist, however I knew if I got Max's program to fire then that would probably do the same trick.

At that point two guards came round the other side of the column both were carrying MP7 sub-machine guns, I used to own the airsoft version until I got bored with it. They stood a little to left of Mr Brown who so far had been quite quiet though the prospect of loud noises going off near a woolly mammoth I didn't like to consider. Wallace had decided to try his trick of divide and conquer, “Is that what you told Joe and Max before you killed them?” Johnny Howard looked at Dwight quite startled obviously he wasn't involved in Dwight's plan. Wallace continued, “Well it looks like you haven't told your associates that when someone becomes a problem you just kill them.” I heard Dwight say “Den here knew he is not as squeamish Johnny, although Johnny doesn't really care about anything he is quite single minded. By the way I forgot to mention the asteroid should have just entered the atmosphere according to my calculations and I'm never wrong.” That's when I managed to trick their computer system into firing Max's program off, of course I had forgot that Max had said it would require at lot of power and then everything happened all at once.

Let me see if I can get it all in order for you, first a klaxon went off and a computer voice said, “Intruder Alert.” Then all the lights dimmed and I could barely see anything, Dwight shouted “What hell have done, you will destroy...” his voice cut off as I felt rather than saw Mr Brown's bulk shift towards the left where the guards were standing. I heard the sound of shots, Wallace shouted to hit the deck, I felt a sharp sting to my left shoulder and I got down quick as lightening. I was pretty sure I had caught a ricochet, the lights brighten somewhat and I saw that both guards were on the floor, Dwight and Dennis crumpled against the wall. Johnny Howard was the only person standing, Mr Brown had obviously got upset because he had lost control of his bladder I suspect the loud noise of shots had scared him. My God it smelled. I got up and saw that the terminal on the console was shot to pieces I could only hope that Max's program worked.

Mr Brown seemed happier and was marking his new found territory in the usual manner that animals do, he happily marked the two guards and Dwight and Dennis. The lights were back on and I helped Wallace back to his feet. Wallace looked concerned when he saw I was bleeding bless him. The cavalry arrived a few minutes later in the guise of Inspector Galesh and about fifty coppers better late than never I suppose.

After that is was Wallace and me endlessly telling the Inspector exactly what happen from the very beginning, over and over again. What is it with men that you have to tell stuff again and again. They always seems to do stuff the hard way.

One last item before I finish, Wallace just got off the phone with Tom Kat, if you remember that was Joseph Kat's brother. Apparently the solicitor had found the keys to Joe's lock-up. He is coming to pick up Wallace just in case there is anything pertaining to the case. Wallace says he will post up anything interesting tomorrow. That's it, I can only assume Max's program worked because the asteroid didn't burn our atmosphere or impact the Earth. Somebody's else turn to save the planet next time I think.

It's Dark and Smells of Mushrooms Part 1

Sorry for not posting up sooner but Louise and I have been kept busy by Inspector Galesh giving statements, now there is a guy that likes to dot every 'i' and cross and every 't'. Okay so the world hasn't gone poof at least not yet. Let me start at the beginning.

Tuesday morning we were up early and since my car is still bust, we took Louise's car. After a five and a half hour trip we were both exhausted. The M1 is just a lorry park really, thankfully we missed most of the chaos caused by the scrapyard fire that closed the bottom part of the motorway, from the news reports sounds like it was arson. We had left at four in the morning and arrived in Harrogate about nine thirty by which time we just collapsed in the Travel Inn Louise had booked for us the day before.

We slept most of the day and since the supposed location of the back door was just under a half an hour's journey we decided to make our unofficial visit just before dusk which was about seven o'clock. There is a side road close to the map coordinates that Max Drum supplied, we parked up the car and walked in from there. The road ended and opened up into a wide flat space of white concrete with one small low building at the far end, seen from Google maps the area looks like a shorten cricket bat.

The building appeared have no entrance at all it definitely was not looking good until Louise tripped over a slightly raised crack in the concrete she steadied herself against one of the walls only to discover that there was a slight give in the wall. After a lot of pushing I discovered a two foot panel that was pivoted in the middle. In the process of opening it I nearly took Louise's head off fortunately however she has lightening fast reflexes. The panel was a simple nine digit keypad with green and blue buttons on the right hand side. I typed in '2430' as per the instructions we received from Reesylou and on a hunch pressed the blue button instead of the green one. Nothing happened.

Louise said "Let me try." She typed in the number again and this time pressed both buttons first green and then blue and then she banged on the side with her hand. The ground where we were standing trembled slightly and then in a five foot square around us the ground cracked and the bottom suddenly fell out of my stomach as the ground descended bloody fast. We hung on to each other and Louise cried out "Banzai!" When we stopped we decelerated slowly in the last ten feet otherwise it would have been a very painful ending, I looked back up the shaft and guessed we had gone down at least hundred feet.

There was a ship like door/hatch directly in front of us with four sliding locks, they were a bit stiff but between us we managed to turn them. The door itself seemed quite rusted but Louise had insisted on bringing a nut spinner from the spare wheel kit in her car (she said it was for protection) and a can of WD40 (she says it works quite well as a mace alternative). She had managed stuff it all in her mini backpack along with crisps, several chocolate bars and two bottles of waters. Louise likes to be prepared whereas I had only a bag of jelly-babies and a torch but I digress, Louise applied the WD40 to the rusted hinges and then I pulled on the handle while Louise rammed the nut spinner into the small crack. Nothing appeared to be happening when there was the sound of metal on metal and I found myself lying on the floor as the door opened in a rush.

We entered very small room with a ladder leading further down, I went down first. It was a short ladder about ten feet, this room was far larger and had five exits. All the exits led onto what looked like catwalks above dark machinery. Louise piped up and said, “This reminds me of when I used to play Paranoia, you know stuck in a maze of twisty passages.” I said “And exactly how did you get out then?” “Oh! Easy, just opened fire with a big gun and knocked the walls down.” This however did not seem to be option at least not with just a nut spinner. I chose the middle exit and we walked along as quietly as we could. It was completely dark, we had walked about twenty yards when we came to a crossroads there against the left catwalk barrier was a black panel with the following buttons and small LEDs above them: Inspection, Waste, Security and something completely unreadable. Before I had a chance to look more closely Louise pressed the Inspection button, “We are meant to be sneaking...” I didn't get a chance to finish because the lights came on and a loud klaxon went off.

We ran straight ahead and hoped we wouldn't meet anyone no chance there of course, to our left and right came several men in Corcas labelled coveralls with hard hats to suit. They did not look happy to see us, we got to end of the catwalk and hung a left into what looked like a complete dead end. Louise shouted and pointed at a flapped chute, she lifted it up and slid down and I followed. It was a very tight fit for my bulk, it went down at an angle of about forty-five degrees. Before we got the bottom however I heard the men in the corridor say “Looks like the Boss's pet will get them instead, definitely saves us the trouble.” I was not I liking the sound of that at all.

The bottom smelled absolutely awful and the ground seemed to be covered in mushrooms. It was extremely dark really glad I brought the torch. From what we could tell in the range of the torch we were in a large open space. Louise said she could see a faint light off to the right so we went that way, we didn't get very far when the torch started to flicker. Louise immediately took it me to look at it and in the process managing to blind me when the light came back on momentarily. I backed off a little and realised I walked into a soft but fur like wall, I saw Louise stare beyond me with a look of complete fright although she managed to hold torch quite steady. I tried to turn round but then what felt like a long snake crawled over my shoulder and straight into my coat pocket. There was a snuffling sound and I saw with horror in the torch light that the snake was a furry trunk, my coat pocket contained my bag of jelly-babies. As lightly as I could I pulled the trunk aside and got out a couple of jelly-babies, then held out my hand with them on. The trunk snorted somewhat and the jelly-babies were no longer there.

I turned fully and saw that I had backed into what looked like a Woolly Mammoth, its trunk came by again and I gave it some more jelly-babies. I looked back at Louise and said quietly “Looks harmless enough as long as we don't run out of jelly-babies.” Louise had got over her initial fright and walked up to the beast and petted it, to which it sneezed directly into Louise's face. Before she could say I word I dragged her in the direction of the light she saw earlier. It became apparent however we were being followed, what is it they say at zoos do not feed the animals.

The light resolved itself into a door and another nine digit keypad. The door itself was huge and I can only assume it was there let our new friend into its cage. Louise typed in Max's code and door slowly opened, it was about foot thick they obviously did not want the beast leaving. Fortunately for the moment he/she seemed just happy to follow us, we walked through straight into three guards with guns. However they took one look at the beast lumbering in behind us and ran in the opposite direction. The corridor we were in was large enough to hold our new friend with no problem, it went on for about twenty yards and forked left and right after that. There did not appear to be any other means of transport so we just walked along and occasionally I had to supply another jelly-baby. We chose the right fork and after ten yards we were in a huge circular room, some technicians working right in the middle on a towering column noticed us. They stared for a moment goggled-eyed and then ran off. We got to the central console and I was glad Louise insisted on coming cause it all looked double Dutch to me. Louise said “Looks pretty simple to me, I think this is an auxiliary control station for the satellite, give me a moment to figure it out...” no sooner had she said that when from around the curve of the column came three men. I recognised Dennis Stern straight away and assumed the other two were Johnny Howard and Dwight Sunderland.

Sorry to leave you on a cliffhanger but I'm still very tired, so I will post up the rest tomorrow evening.

A little Stern

Dennis Stern came to see me today, I was little surprised to have a big VIP in the office.  It just has as well that Louise was out otherwise I think there might have been a little disturbance.  He came with his heavies one either side of him with completely vacant expressions.  Quite a small man really no presence whatsoever no wonder he needed his men to let know people he was there.  He has small fish like eyes with staggeringly thick glasses resting on a very small nose, just walked in and started talking straight away without a by your leave, no introduction whatsoever.

 

"What you have been saying about Corcas is complete slander and I will have you up on charges so fast that you will not have time to blink."

 

"And you are?" Thought it best to slow things down a little.

 

"Dennis Stern!" he said with all force he could muster in a somewhat quiet voice, more of high pitched squeak.  I'm not making this up this is exactly what he is like.

 

"What exactly do think I have been saying?" I threw my voice a little; creating a slight echo effect (trick I learned from a ventriloquist) it makes you seem larger than you are.  Gives you a slight psychological advantage, I do believe in stacking the deck against annoying impolite people who think they are in charge.

 

"You have stated on your rag of a site that Corcas is behind a missing asteroid, you have absolutely no proof to back that statement up."

 

"I think you will find that any 'Blog' is merely an opinion and also I did state there was no proof that your company was involved.  I have been led to believe your company is involved, it is possible that I have been misled.  Would you care to comment for the record that Corcas is not involved in harnessing the 19980 asteroid as a delivery system of the rare element you have discovered?"  Not much room for him to wriggle out of there and he did not even try.

 

"You people just don't get do you! It has been forty-two years since we landed on the moon and what have we done since? We should have colonies on the Moon and Mars by now.  Progress has slowed to a crawl in the western world, great we have faster and smaller computers which run slower because the software is loaded with features nobody wants.  Yes we have breakthroughs in medical and genetics but what good is it except break nature's hold over man with regard to natural selection."

 

I was tempted to point out that he probably would not even exist due to those breakthroughs, but he had a head of steam up best to let him ramble along.

 

"Purely for profits we continue using fossil fuels pouring poison into our atmosphere why because we are lazy!  The world has become lazy, we are stagnating.  With stagnation comes predictably and predictably is death.  It is a worship of the past."

 

I thought it best to interject here before we lost the subject all together, "Surely we have been forced back into fossil fuels of late due to the Nuclear Power Crisis, and in fact if we did not have fossil fuels to fall back on then we would be completely without power? Are you and John Howard just following Dwight blindly into the abyss or do really know what is going on?"

 

"Dwight is a greater man than you will ever be, he is a visionary of our time!"

 

Oops, off topic again. "So, about this asteroid, what exactly are doing with it again?"

 

"You and that Foilhead character are just clouding the real issues with your conspiracy theory nonsense, we know about your involvement with COPS.  You are not as clean as you think are you!" He practically shouted (squeaked) the last sentence at me.

 

He about turned and left,  not sure why he came really, he did not leave a lasting impression or any useful information.

Still I thought people would like to know how silly and fruitless my day has been.

Elements of Time

Had a rather worried Professor Maad on the phone this morning.  Apparently the 19980 asteroid contains a recently discovered element by Corcas Four which is probably what they are after.  Maad says the asteroid could contain as much as ten percent of its mass to the new element.  The element in question has not been named so far but according to the Professor it is incredibly dense, this would change the velocity of the object considerably.

We are not looking at months for its arrival, but a couple of weeks maximum.  The professor could not give a precise time line due to unknowns in the equation:

1. Power of the energy beam Corcas used to push 19980 into a new orbit
2. Actual density of the new element
3. Exact mass of 19980 

Professor Maad believes that the new element Corcas has discovered when heated to high enough temperatures can combine with greenhouse gases and ignite.  Basically if 19980 enters our atmosphere it could start a chain reaction that would destroy the very air we breath, that would kill us before it even impacted on land.

19980 is still missing, no one can find it and we have no direct proof that it was Corcas that moved 19980.

Not so Mad

Did you see Professor Maad on TV the other night, explaining about nuclear fission.  Looks like he is off gardening leave.  I spoke to him briefly last night, he said that some members of University have actually apologised to him. it was all a big mistake.

I asked him about the energy beam, he seemed a little distracted but he basically said that the beam would push the asteroid into a new orbit which presumably would come close to Earth.  Of course if they got the calculations wrong it might end up on a collision course instead, it would however take a while to get here.  I pressed him on the time line and he said anywhere between a few months and a couple of years it would depend on the velocity.

I am glad he has a lot of light on him at the moment considering the number of RMS members ending up dead.

Louise is in a good mood today, apparently one of her users asked her about the Recycle Bin on the computer desktop.  The question was: "Who empties the recycle bin?"  She thought it was classically funny, it just went over my head as per anything computer related.  If you want to ask her anything now is the time.

Barely any leads left, looked into the possibility of a fridge being missed in the recall nothing so far.  Good idea though.  I might have to resort to the Blue Zone.

If anybody has any good ideas I am all ears.

Not Drake

Sorry for the delay is putting up this post but we had power cut here, no power no computers. Drake is in a coma and does not look he will be awake any time soon.

I was running late yesterday so his assistant managed to get hold of me before I left the hotel he was quite blunt about it, “The professor has been beaten to a pulp, they jumped him when he was coming back from lunch.  Right in front of the Frampton's Peter Pan copy, it is quite ironic since professor always joked about how he wanted to be a knight...” I could tell he going talk like this forever if I did not stop him interrupting I said “Is Drake okay?” “Not really, he slipped into an coma not long after he got to A&E, it was fortunate though that the Inspector was here.” “Sorry who, which Inspector?” “Inspector Galesh he had an appointment scheduled a little bit before yours, I believe he has posted guards outside the professor's room.” “Why did they attack him do you know?” “Nobody knows, I'll give you hospital number if you like, maybe you can ask the Inspector?”

Another source of information removed, I rang the hospital and the doctor did not sound hopeful about Drake's condition.  No point in speaking to Galesh yet.